Empty replacements cause weight gain
by Joel and Michaela CôtéSelig

Last night, Michaela CôtéSelig, baker extraordinaire for CBC Key Demographic (CBCKD), caught her husband, Joel, leaving a known bakery with Ms. E. Clair Pastry. "I caught believe it's gone this far!" exclaims Michaela. "The lockout has brought my husband to conduct a most disloyal act."

Two weeks ago, we learned about how the CBC lockout had affected Joel. He was losing weight at an incredible pace as Michaela was providing what were normally his baked goods to the members of the Canadian Media Guild on the Sparks Street picket line in Ottawa.

"I first started to get suspicious that Joel was cheating on me when I noticed he getting a little softer around the edges," Michaela explains. "And then there was the powdered sugar and custard stains on his clothes. That's when I knew without a doubt."

"I couldn't hold out any longer without the quality baking I come to expect from my lovely wife," explained Joel.

Now into its sixth week, the lockout has affected normal listening and viewing patterns of the CBC audience. Like Joel turning to commercial baked goods, some CBC viewers are turning to private television and radio. The longer the lockout continues, the more the CBC is in danger of losing large audience numbers—especially those in the key demographic, ages 18 to 35—who are tempted to turn the dial and risk a future CBC audience.

"But, the replacement baked goods just don't cut it," clarified Joel. "They leave me feeling empty; they are void of substance. And now that I'm left to watch private television, I'm being lead to buy fast food and prefab cookies." Pointing to his pastry-filled belly, Joel grieves "and now look at me, I look like the Prime Minister before he went on that Clay Aikins diet."

Like good home-cooked meals in the dining rooms of our country, there is definitely an important role for public broadcasting in Canadian homes. The CBC does not easily compromise artistic integrity for commercial appeal—this fact is apparent in their radio and children's television programming. Some commercial television, on the other hand, is little less than empty calories for the mind.

The integrity of public broadcasting also allows for real dialogue amongst Canadians of all regions. Issues are raised, authentic conversations are facilitated, ideas are shared—that is, until the lockout began. The CBC is the only truly national network connecting all Canadians across the country. But how can the country speak when its voice has been silenced?

"This lockout has disrupted my family. I don't know what is going on in my husband's world, nor with my sisters in Winnipeg and St. John," Michaela cries. "Save my family, bring back the CBC."